saying goodbye

saying goodbye

To help you eventually complete the grieving process in a healthy way, we recommend a farewell ceremony and as there are often no baby remains available, it can help to create your own personal commemoration in a way that reflects on what your baby meant to you. Also, think about others who have lost this baby too. This would be especially true for a baby that would have made first time grandparents, aunts and uncles but also close friends who might be grieving with you, and ask if they would like to be included in a small ceremony.

It's never too late to do this. Sometimes a miscarriage has happened years before and at the time you would not have thought anything like that was appropriate - but that doesn't matter. Even if it is only you, do something that has a healing influence on your old grief. We are all different so whatever works for you is fine.

You may find comfort in the following suggestions

Having a formal funeral service involving a minister, priest or a funeral celebrant.
Having a less formal gathering in an appropriate setting, perhaps around a candle to read something significant to you, e.g. the Bible, poetry or even a piece you wrote yourself.
In both cases playing music that feels comforting to you, which can be a source of healing.
Naming your baby.

Or perhaps just something you can do yourselves which is significant

Buy a special piece of jewellery; locket, charm, necklace, keychain or birthstone ring.
Write a letter or poem to your baby or keep a diary of that time.
Make a tape (it's strange, but hearing your own words of grief is quite healing).
Creating a 'memory box' for cards, ribbons, dried flowers, a toy or other mementos.
Planting a shrub or tree in your garden, a pot, a local park or an arboretum.
Burying a message with flowers.
Sending flowers or pine cones out to sea or perhaps a message in a bottle.
Scattering seeds in the wind.
Putting a message on or in a balloon(s) and releasing it somewhere special to you.
Ask at a local cemetery if they have an area for lost babies
Create your own website.
Use the internet to find a baby memory site (Honoured Babies)
Have a small celebration service (even just a glass of wine) on one of the anniversary dates.

(This is a compilation of suggestions from several sources including the Wellington Miscarriage Group's old website)

Memory Garden
The Memory garden was opened on September the 4th 2004. It was built in consultation with National Women’s staff and interested community groups such as SANDS, Miscarriage Support Auckland Inc. and Twin Loss. Craig Scott from Twin Loss designed and built the garden.

The Garden was developed to provide a place for families to remember the women and babies who died at National Women’s. As National Women’s was leaving the Greenlane site it was considered important for the community groups and National Women’s staff that a garden for remembrance be left behind.

memory garden plaque The plaque also commemorates 'The life of National Women’s hospital 1964-2004, as the place where thousands of babies began their lives’.

The Memory Garden is located under the large walnut tree, which is situated between Greenlane Clinical centre and old National Women’s hospital. The garden has a number of private seats with a view through Cornwall Park up to Maungakiekie. It is bordered by the Cornwall park cricket club on the east side and the public car park on the west.

Baby Loss Awareness Week

sands

BALLOON RELEASE & SANDS PICNIC - Sunday 14th October, 2.30pm
Please contact Claire or Rochelle (see below) for venue details if you are interested in joining Sands members and coming along. We need a rough idea of numbers so that we order the right number of balloons (we will order a few extra for those of you who decide on the day!) Picnic – Bring a plate. There will be an inside option for the picnic in case of rain.

Before the balloons are released there will be the opportunity to read a poem or say a few words for your baby.

Sands is a voluntary organisation, running on grants and donations. There will be collection boxes available if you wish to make a donation to Sands & some of our more crafty members will be raising funds with their cards etc...

ANNUAL GLOBAL WAVE OF LIGHT – October 15th Service

baby loss awareness Monday October 15th – International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Hospital Chapel, Level 6, Auckland City Hospital, 6.45pm

Arranged by Parent Care Inc (with a little help from Sands this year!) - This is an opportunity to light a candle and participate in the Global Wave of Light. If you would like to you may also read a poem or say a few words for your baby/babies. After the service there will be a chance to have coffee & snacks talk with other bereaved parents and families.

Contacts for further details

CLAIRE ON 378 4945 OR ROCHELLE ON 266 3283 OR EMAIL clairewright@xtra.co.nz

choosing a name | seeing your baby | burial options in New Zealand
saying goodbye | what happens to the baby's soul?

email:support@miscarriagesupport.org.nz | Online forum
Supportline: (09) 378 4060 | Fax: (09) 360 4034

Please note: The medical information included on our website has been supplied for us by doctors.
Please take any further medical enquiries to your own LMC or try;
www.AskAnOb.com (unlimited personalised email answers also offered for $29.95 US)

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