'To help you eventually complete the grieving
process in a healthy way, it is very healing to view your miscarriage
similarly to other family deaths, so we recommend a farewell ceremony
even when there are few baby remains available adding significance
to this life and death.'
To help you eventually complete the grieving process in a healthy way, we recommend a farewell ceremony even when there are few baby remains available adding significance to this life and death. It it can help to create your own personal commemoration in a way that reflects on what your baby meant to you. Think about others who have lost this baby too. This would be especially true for a baby that would have made first time grandparents, aunts and uncles but also close friends who might be grieving with you, and ask if they would like to be included in a small ceremony.
It's never too late to do this. Sometimes a miscarriage has happened years before and at the time you would not have thought anything like that was appropriate - but that doesn't matter. Even if it is only you, do something that has a healing influence on your old grief. We are all different so whatever works for you is fine.
- Having a formal funeral service involving a minister, priest or a funeral celebrant.
- Having a less formal gathering in an appropriate setting, perhaps by the sea or in a park or somewhere with a comforting family association and perhaps gather around a candle to read a piece which is significant to you, e.g. the Bible, poetry or even something you wrote yourself.
- Or a small commemoration service (even just a glass of wine) on one of the anniversary dates or the 15th October on World Baby Loss Day.
- See our 'Certificate of Acknowledgement for the brief life of - - - - - ' for downloading
- Bury a message with flowers.
- Send flowers or pine cones out to sea or perhaps a message in a bottle.
- Scatter seeds in the wind.
- Place a message on or in a balloon and release it somewhere special to you.
- In all cases play music that feels comforting to you, which can also be a source of healing.
- Buy a special piece of jewellery; locket, charm, necklace, keychain or birthstone ring.
- Write a letter or poem to your baby or keep a diary of that time.
- Make a tape (it's strange, but hearing your own words of grief is quite healing).
- Creating a 'memory box' for cards, ribbons, dried flowers, a toy or other mementos.
- Create your own website.
- Use the internet to find a baby memory site (Honoured Babies)
(This is a compilation
of suggestions from several sources including the Wellington Miscarriage
Group's old website)