ceremony suggestions

'To help you eventually complete the grieving process in a healthy way, it is very healing to view your miscarriage similarly to other family deaths, so we recommend a farewell ceremony even when there are few baby remains available adding significance to this life and death.'

To help you eventually complete the grieving process in a healthy way, we recommend a farewell ceremony even when there are few baby remains available adding significance to this life and death. It it can help to create your own personal commemoration in a way that reflects on what your baby meant to you. Think about others who have lost this baby too. This would be especially true for a baby that would have made first time grandparents, aunts and uncles but also close friends who might be grieving with you, and ask if they would like to be included in a small ceremony.
It's never too late to do this. Sometimes a miscarriage has happened years before and at the time you would not have thought anything like that was appropriate - but that doesn't matter. Even if it is only you, do something that has a healing influence on your old grief. We are all different so whatever works for you is fine.

You may find comfort in the following ceremony suggestions:

• Having a formal funeral service involving a minister, priest or a funeral celebrant.
• Having a less formal gathering in an appropriate setting, perhaps by the sea or in a park or somewhere with a comforting family association and perhaps gather around a candle to read a piece which is significant to you, e.g. the Bible, poetry or even something you wrote yourself.
• Or a small commemoration service (even just a glass of wine) on one of the anniversary dates or the 15th October on World Baby Loss Day.
• See our 'Certificate of Acknowledgement for the brief life of - - - - - ' for downloading
• Bury a message with flowers.
• Send flowers or pine cones out to sea or perhaps a message in a bottle.
• Scatter seeds in the wind.
• Place a message on or in a balloon and release it somewhere special to you.
• In all cases play music that feels comforting to you, which can also be a source of healing.

Or perhaps just do something by yourself and perhaps your partner which is significant:

• Buy a special piece of jewellery; locket, charm, necklace, keychain or birthstone ring.
• Write a letter or poem to your baby or keep a diary of that time.
• Make a tape (it's strange, but hearing your own words of grief is quite healing).
• Creating a 'memory box' for cards, ribbons, dried flowers, a toy or other mementos.
• Create your own website.
• Use the internet to find a baby memory site (Honoured Babies)

(This is a compilation of suggestions from several sources including the Wellington Miscarriage Group's old website)

Memory Garden
The Memory garden was opened on September the 4th 2004. It was built in consultation with National Women’s staff and interested community groups such as Sands, Miscarriage Support Auckland Inc. and Twin Loss. Craig Scott from Twin Loss designed and built the garden.

The Garden was developed to provide a place for families to remember the women and babies who died at National Women’s. As National Women’s was leaving the Greenlane site it was considered important for the community groups and National Women’s staff that a garden for remembrance be left behind.

The plaque also commemorates 'The life of National Women’s hospital 1964-2004, as the place where thousands of babies began their lives’.

The Memory Garden is located under the large walnut tree, which is situated between Greenlane Clinical centre and old National Women’s hospital. The garden has a number of private seats with a view through Cornwall Park up to Maungakiekie. It is bordered by the Cornwall park cricket club on the east side and the public car park on the west.