If you feel bringing your strong grief feelings to the surface would be helpful, it can be done by deliberately confronting a painful situation. Situations like visiting a friend or relation with a new baby. Or seeing a very pregnant woman whose due date was around yours, can allow this to happen. If you have to face them, it is better for you to choose the timing and know you have prepared for it.

This is called Catharsis.

Deliberately talking about your feelings with someone is also Cathartic. Choosing the right person to do that with is critical. Many people close to you simply may not understand. There is no point in creating a situation that will be unhelpful and unsupportive. If there is no-one suitable and online isn’t comforting, a doctor, midwife or a counsellor could be more useful. At least they will have spoken to others in your situation. Women have often told us, a complete stranger who had also miscarried was the most helpful and empathetic person they spoke to.

Self expression & Memories

The memories of our actions and those people who were kind and understanding are never forgotten.

It is often surprising how much self-expression can make a difference. Artwork, dance, music and writing – perhaps keeping a journal or just jotting down thoughts can be very cathartic. It helps to be able to look back on this time and understand you will have progressed, even if it isn’t far initially. We had a member once who was an artist and she found her outlet in an amazing spurt of paintings.

Catharsis is choosing the experience that causes our pain to rise to the surface of our consciousness so it can be released. It is like opening a relief valve to allow pressure to escape, leaving the level of remaining feelings more comfortable to live with.

“I found that writing about my pain took the sting out of the memory.”


“I was desperate to get away from everyone and be on my own so that I wouldn’t be constrained by conventions to not scream or punch something to express my unfairness at life. A fat pillow that had always annoyed me became my punching bag and the surf on a rough day the recipient of my screaming anger. I was grateful to the consequent exhaustion and tears that took me to my knees.”