Our Friends

As parents of babies who have miscarried, we may have to ask our family and friends for the support we need. As very few of us even looked pregnant, the loss is invisible unless we talk about it. Often our very silence perpetuates the myth that miscarriage is not a traumatic event requiring support.

Sometimes we are so immersed in our own grief we forget about that of others, which is just as legitimate. However they will probably recover fairly quickly and may be surprised we do not do the same.

Support may be withdrawn for other reasons. People may not understand our feelings of grief after relatively short pregnancies.¬†When we already have other children or in the case of recurrent miscarriages where they may assume because we’ve been there before, we don’t need help this time. The truth is that it gets harder each time, not easier, and more support is needed, not less. See Helping someone after miscarriage.

“I couldn’t believe that my best friend, who I shared everything with, just wouldn’t talk about my loss. If she didn’t care, who else would? I still don’t understand but eventually forgave her anyway, so that we could enjoy the other aspects of our friendship. (She doesn’t even know I’ve had to do this.) I have since discovered, life is about having different friends for different reasons and I now have some that really understand grief.”