Because your baby died before 20 weeks gestation, there are no legal requirements governing what you can or can not do. Neither the birth or the death need registering, unless your baby weighs more than 400 grams or was born alive. Loss after 20 weeks is referred to as a 'still-birth' and in New Zealand requires registering as a birth and having a death certificate issued.
Burial
Hospital policies differ widely so if you wish to have your baby’s remains kept for taking home, you will need to request them before the D&C or they will be cremated along with others. Sometimes staff do not understand your request and may try and put you off, but it is your choice. You can bury your baby's remains wherever you choose. In about 60% of miscarriages the baby never develops or is so small it cannot be seen so there is often little left to bury.
Some parents choose a corner of their garden that is already special and bury everything without any particular marker others plant something to commemorate the spot. Consider choosing a plant or shrub you could take cuttings from should you ever move. If you live in a rental property or apartment, you can put a plant in a large pot suitable for a deck or balcony. Many choose a Peace Lily. It is worth considering that any plant may not thrive, which could add to your grief however, if you are happy with the idea of a plant it is your choice. Alternatively, a garden seat or water feature would be a peaceful commemoration.
For those of you who would prefer a permanent place to visit in case your circumstances change, most New Zealand cemeteries have a special area dedicated to babies for burial or scattering ashes. Some cemeteries have a memorial wall or tree. For a formal burial with a special coffin and grave, there is a fee of around $500 (2009). Search under cemeteries or 'Funeral Directors' in your area in yellowpages.co.nz.
Cremation
You may choose to have your baby's remains cremated. Funeral directors are usually helpful. Most cemeteries charge a crematorium fee. If you had an early miscarriage unfortunately there will be nothing left from the heat after the cremation. There may be a teaspoon of ashes when your baby is lost in a later trimester. These could be scattered at the cemetery or a place that is meaningful to you as at a service suggested in ‘Saying Goodbye’.
If you can't decide, put everything in a sealed container in the fridge or freezer or take it to a funeral parlour and ask if they could cool store it for you until you have made up your mind.
Auckland Cemetery Information
Have a ‘Tree of Memories’ which is made of bronze set on a brick wall which a bronze leaf can be attached to with a baby’s name on it. Please enquire for current charges. Ph. 90 279 8232
‘Oak Tree Garden’ which is rose bushes sprinkled with babies ashes that were usually from National Women’s Hospital but others on request. People also leave soft toys attached to an Oak Tree. There is a memorial wall as well. Cremations on request. Please enquire for current charges. Ph. 09 275 4822
Memorial Garden for ashes and a place for a plaque. Please enquire for current charges. There is none for a cremation. (2009) Ph. 09 528 5599
Plaque Memorial Wall. Please enquire for current charges for space. Cost of the plaque extra and not put up by them. Ph. 09 818 5615
Childrens section 3 on R/H side.
Ph. 09 415 9646
Work in progress,
Ph 0800 006688
Only
has a place for a ‘Stillbirth’ coffin (610 x 900) suitable
for a small grave or a memorial garden.
May have other coffin options available. Ph. 09 415 9646