Women don't die of miscarriage but they do require practical help and emotional support. Your partner may also need to have a D&C or some form of medication to make sure her miscarriage is complete. She can feel fearful about the possible pain of the medical procedures and the physical consequences and also upset that she is, in her mind, ‘getting rid of her baby’. The waiting time for this is usually very stressful so being present as often as possible for her is a good idea. You may be thrown by your partner’s reaction but even capable women are often in such shock, both emotionally and physically, that they are unable to function normally.
Your partner may need you to make decisions
in an area that is ordinarily her domain so it is essential at this
time to check that there is clear communication between the two of
you and she is comfortable with your decisions. You can only do your best and talking about it will
help. Some things can be put off and if she needs time to think,
abide by her wishes. For instance, if you have any baby remains, they
can be suitably contained and cooled or frozen meantime, if necessary
at a funeral home, until a decision about what to do with them can
be made which you both agree to (see ‘Saying
Goodbye’ & ‘Burial
Options’).
| "Perhaps men don't acknowledge what has happened because they are afraid it will really hurt too much. Emotionally, we are not equipped to deal with it. Men don't easily deal with their sadness and pain. We believe, being brave up front will give our wife/partner strength, when really what they need is our compassion and empathy." Mark |
copingtogether.info
A U.S. based resource site with comprehensive information that hopes to provide support and understanding about miscarriage. It is for both men and women and has a discussion forum that covers the thoughts and concerns of the couple about the process of grieving together over the loss of their baby.